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Rough Acres, May 19, 2010
I wish Connecticut had had SB60 when I worked there… I had a boss who was the most emotionally abusive person – screaming, belittling, bullying – imaginable.
It took me years to recover from that experience, and I had to go out on my own to do so; I couldn’t bear the thought of being subjected to that kind of treatment ever again.
Small Town, May 4, 2010
I am in a small town where everyone in my field knows each other. Everyone knows that my boss lacks leadership skills, and they volunteer this to me without me even asking, when I tell them where I work. “But he is such a nice guy” that he will never be challenged. It is just my boss and me as staff, and its a non profit organization that is supposed to be doing good for the community. However my boss does not like to work and lacks leadership, vision , or concern about what the mission of our organization might actually stand for. In the morning when i walk up to the building i can see him playing Solitaire on his computer through the window. He takes off very early most days ( like at 2 or 3) , or takes extended lunches. Meanwhile I work through lunch and fill my 8 hours if not 9 every day. I have ideas that our board likes, and he agrees verbally but never supports my working on them, and will micromanage me if he sees me working on something “else” ie other projects. I never miss deadlines or fail to get all my work done. I have a major project right now I instigated– to simply work on and “prove myself.” even the mayor of our town has taken interest in this. But if i had listened to my boss, i would have kept my idea to myself, and no one would know about it, and he could go on playing solitare and arguing with his wife. The board also likes this project so now he is acting like he is a part of it even though I have done all research and planning so far.
He argues with his wife on the phone in front of me sometimes off and on all day, and has me do demeaning things like address an envelope for him and mail it even though he has nothing else to do . Then he will leave 2 hours early because his kid has a music lesson or something. He will also do stuff like introduce me to important people as his “assistant” and while it is true i am staff with a lower position ( and this is fine with me) , that title discredits the work i am doing and in the end it just makes the organization look bad because the assistant is working on something the boss should be!
Anonymous on April 15th i feel your pain. I hate going to work and after reading up on it today ( i called in sick) i can tell i have been depressed due to this treatment. I have been blaming myself for not being able to “handle” a professional job and just put up with the way he treats me, and all the politics in my town that enable the situation.
Others tell me to confront him, and so last week i told him all his personal calls in the office make my work environment stressful. He replied that it was stressful for HIM as well. I really don’t think he will ever change and I want to quit but it could be career suicide if i do. I have only been there for one year and I fear other orgs field will think I am flighty. I hate going to work so much, and it is damaging my home life as well because I am exhausted and want to watch tv and hide in my room all the time. Now I know this is depression. Everyone in my town knows he is not a leader and that my organization is stagnant. I thought I could come in and help make a positive change with good ideas and so on, but his personality is tearing me down very much. The ultimate irony is I do not feel dedicated to the actual work i do any more so my performance is slipping . And honestly I love my job if it werent for my boss. I dont know what to do because i feel it is an ethical situation where our org is supported by donors, foundations, and city $ ( taxpayer $ ) and his abuse of his position seems really wrong. what do i do?
It’s five years today, May 2, 2010, that Marlene took her life. As her trustee I am still waiting for the Department of Interior to release the full report of her suicide. As a volunteer for the Workplace Bullying Institute, I am still working for a law that would make workplace bullying illegal. As a friend, I am remembering that fateful day, when I knew something was not right, when the phone call came, when I learned she was dead. The following day I read her letter in which she told me her boss had made her life “utterly unbearable.” Thank you, Bev, for your tireless work to make sure they are no Marlene’s and Jodie’s, no more people who believe the only way out of the pain is death.
Julie, April 22, 2010
i am a retired rn from the federal government. i had aboss that i will call hitlers niece-she was mean, ignorant and sociopathic. she came from a large family and a rural setting and as i look back on her now-she was mentally ill. the federal government has alot of mentallly ill employees-it is an instituition in which they can continuie their illness-my federal facility became ill when the natives from my state took over-small town people with family problems and most of all drinking problems-50 and 60 years at happy hour weekly and cliques like mean girls-junior high emotionally and the fact they are responsible for veterans care is frightening-i would like to hear from other va retired nurses on this subject through your column and have their responses forwarded to me-thank you.i am writing a book on my experience-anyone else like to share?????
Unhappy at Work, April 11, 2010
We are going through this at our workplace and the person doing the bullying is very good at hiding it from others. There are four of us who are the targets and we have been keeping records of this. We took it to our higher up in the company and they so called investigated it and basically put US on trial. We were told that is was us who were at fault and we needed to be more professional and put our customers first not worry about the aggressor. We were all to GET ALONG. The person that is doing it does not work for our company but is instead a worker of a person who leases a place in the establishment. In other words this person has no accountability and can basically get away with it. I just do not understand why this is allowed to go unpunished. We dread going to work and I have found that I was thinking of suicide but this video has changed my mind. People just do not understand how this tears a person down. The CONSTANT degrading and little things do add up. Lately it has been getting physical with things being kicked out in front of people trying to trip them as they walk by. One person was actually elbowed by this person. When this was brought up the investigators asked if that person was maybe being playful with them. Playful????? How can they even think that?? Maybe these investigators need to be in our shoes for a month to see what its really like to understand what its like. I will probably loss my job for this but I have had it. There are many other places I could get a better job without working with a pathetic bully like this person.
Anonymous, April 15, 2010
I cry everyday because I feel so trapped in my job. I live alone and support myself if I quit I will lose everything and a place to live so I need help. I work in a professional environment and my boss is an expert manipulator thoughts of quitting run through my head everyday. I am on anti-anxiety medication and my depression is getting worse all I wanna do is be in bed. What do I do? If I quit I will have no where to go. Is anyone out there in this situation? If you are and got out how did you do it. I can’t go back to school because I maxed out student loans. I can’t get a loan from the bank currently looking for another job but no luck.
Jess, April 9, 2010
I was bullied by my boss…she was mean and treated me like i was no one… i stud up to her one day and she fired me… now im unemployed for over a year ..i cant find work and im struggling with my four kids… there should be a law against this ..my children and i think so…..
I am just learning about the severe bully “boss” that I have. I reported a “bully” co-worker for overhearing comments she was sharing with other co-workers about myself. Said, “she should be fired, and I just can’t stand her!” (meaning me.) and that DID it. (this person had been abusive for 3 years;not just to me. I just couldn’t take any more at this point) I reported this to my new boss, ( of 1 year) and he in turn reported to HR. He said I wasn’t allowed to know the results but that I could be “assured” it would never happen again. It back fired and from that point on “he” has been on my case saying I am not doing as I should and “hearing” that my co-workers have to finish what I have started. ???? Questioning him about what he had been hearing and how do I go about fixing the issue? He could never say. My annual review comes, (3 months later), and he’s STILL telling me how bad I am doing but not giving any examples. This goes much deeper then I can write about in this little comment box, but I am feeling threatened for my job. I went to his boss and I went to “EEOC” and now I’m in the process of a “formal complaint” to my works’ HR. I understand fully about the sick stomach, no sleep, intimadation, peranoid, stress and the anticipation of the unknown. I am still in the middle of this mess and have not been “let go” from my position but my guts are saying he’s working up to it. He put me on a improvement plan for 3 months with HR, (I was forced to accept the PIP), and I’m ready right now for the pushout. I have been reseaching the internet to see what my recourse is; (if any) or will I hear: “Too bad; so sad.!” Like I was told by eeoc and an attorney I spoke with, “don’t go down without a fight!” I haven’t been able to say the “EXACT” words they need to hear. Like: I’m too old; I am white: It’s sexual attack; or whatever. But you know…..I am human and I don’t deserve this treatment…..Just seems wrong. I need more then that.
“D” March 23, 2010
I am so sorry for the loss this family has suffered because of needless workplace bullying. When the family was describing how silly Jodie felt over documenting the hundreds of tiny little things, it rang 100% true to me. Today is my 8 month anniversary at my job and I feel like I’ve been there 800 years. Perhaps it will ease the family’s pain just a little to know how many people they’re helping by making this documentary. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I left my job and career of 26 yrs because of bullying. I will never understand why I and other targets were seen as the difficult ones when our boss exhibited all sorts of abusive behaviour. She yelled, poked fingers in faces,insulted people, demeaned and demoralized staff in private and public meetings, she told people they weren’t worth the money they were paid, breached confidentiality etcetcetc. I spent ages depressed and anxious in a mental health serving agency and never was offered any type of assistance. When I was provided intervention through a board member’s EAP program, the bully was told and my job was threatened unless I revealed WHY the intervention was needed and WHAT I was saying. I refused and the bullying ramped up because the bully had no control over what I was telling to an outsider. After 3 years of targeting,
“Jess,” March 2, 2010
I have worked for this company for 6 years, the problem is the manager of my department, she has tried to get me fired or have me quit, and let me tell you im not going to quit. She has accused me of stealing from the company she has spread rummors about me and later denies them, she talks behind your back then gives you a friendly face to cover it all up. I have gone to HR and i even broke down in tears and cried my eyes out because i felt so alone and tired of being picked on, i got hurt doing my job and i notified our EMT, HR, my manager even the project manager new about it, and i never was sent to the doctor and this happened a couple of years ago and last year the project manager said that he was going to talk to HR so they can send me to the doctor and im still waiting. I think i did my job by contacting the proper personel about my injury and feel its there responsability to take care of the problem. My manager has prohibit me and one of my co-workers to work together when we do all the work and still do more for her. Every year we have an employee opinion survey and this year she had a very low score and she still wonders why. She has sent people to search my belongings without me being present. Some people have quit because they just got tired of her but i dont plan to because this has to stop NOW!!!. There´s so much more she has done but i realy need to sit down and talk with some one that is going to help me not just give me bull. This is a serious problem, this lady from what i heard, has been sued and has lost, and i still dont understand why she is still there. Hope a new law comes out to protect us, god bless us and help us beat this evil in the work place.
I worked for 15 years at the same small business… The shop was honed to just me, doing it all, and 1 very part time [worker] (who refused to deal with the boss and I protected!). I knew [my boss] had problems, especially since I worked in his home. I saw things I should never have been privy to…
I finally began therapy over a year before I left. I didn’t want to quit my job! I could take anything he could dish out. And his family and partner (not to mention clients) often turned to me to smooth things over for them. I was also aware that he had to go to court for domestic violence against his wife and was forced into anger management. I was also aware that a client actually had a restraining order against him! He lost clients because of his behavior and bad business practices. He was the most counterproductive employer I had ever met and it was his own money he was wasting! But I perservered because he never ever attacked me to the point where I was scared.
He made me nuts, I never got a good nights sleep, I developed a gastrointestinal disorder, but I went to therapy every week to prove to myself that “I was not the crazy one.” And I never put two and two together about my health. My therapist did but I just remained in denial. Because I made a good salary, had flexible hours and a commute under 30 minutes. Then the [economic] crisis hit and my husband retired at the ripe old age of 54. No worries, I made enough money to get us through until he got a new job. Then my brother-in-law was diagnosed with stage-4 cancer and came to live with us.
My husband became his primary caregiver and was no longer available for work. But it was still all good because I made good money and we could get by. Then my husband had to have surgery…and I was approved to take the day off…I got screamed at the moment I got to work for not coming in… No amount of conflict resolution skills worked. I tried everything I could think of to calm that man down. He just kept screaming, insulting me, pacing, spitting, calling me names, insulting my family, getting in my space (so close I could see his spit curdled in the corners of his mouth…His eyes actually glazed over! I felt like slave labor. So I picked up my purse and tried to leave. Wow. That was even crazier…
He trapped me at his front door and for the very first time I was really afraid of him… I did get out safely but hysterically…I talked about my next step with friends, family and my therapist. Because it was just me and the owner there was no higher authority to intervene. I agonized all night about leaving my job but it was clear that I had no other choice. No amount of money was worth my personal safety… I rationalized that he was not an evil person, just a sick person who needed help. But the man would not even admit to any wrong doing. He blamed me. If I would just not make him mad. If I would just be a good employee. Why was I making such a big thing out of it.”
“Horrified Worker” January 14, 2010
I have been documenting workplace mobbing in my work place for the last 17 months. you see my boss needs to manipulate the employees and I am not easily manipulated. I am friendly and professional but I am no ones lapdog. Well she has picked up on that and she and her friends which constitute much of the workplace set about a plan to ostracize and isolate me completely. So it can not just be a boss, but all her friends as well. When my alarm goes off in the morning its like a punch in the gut that I have to go back to that office again and feel their collective disdain and hostility as I sit there totally alone. I have all the documentation a person could want, I had different (less) training, extreme hostility, songs sung about me my weight my appearance, and the whole room laughs. It could drive a person to end it all. But there is no legislation in new york yet to protect me.
I myself have been a victim of bullying and currently am still in a job with a corporate bully which believe it or not …is a old lady who has such high status that nobody talks back or disrespects her or questions her decisions. She writes me up and never gave me a raise nor acknowledges me as a good worker plus has humiliated me in front of other coworkers. What laws in Kansas are here can give me some legal muscle to get her back to reality and so I can enjoy working?
Bully Buster, November 16, 2009
Beverly,
thank you so much for sending this to me – I’m late in finding it but it’s being posted on the facebook page. Are you just exploring bullying in the States? I am from the UK and have experienced bullying within the teaching profession. Unfortunately it appears to be rife and (as stated in the above comments) people are too afraid to stand up to it and those of us who are brave enough to put ourselves on the line are often condemned further for trying to show integrity and stand up for what is right.
Something is seriously wrong.
Please keep up your fantastic work, if you ever need a contact from across the pond…
56 yr old RN county gov worked in various settings, never had any problems in any of them, needed good health insurance,have a disabled son, daughter was also still on my insurance at the time.I had left a job I loved (home health private industry) where the health insurance coverage had declined medication coverage for my son who had grand mal seizures, since his Dad would not supply me with the RX card or cooperate with me (divorced) single parent since kids were 10 and 5. The pay was also terrible, no raises for 8 years! Years pass, I accept this new job as a school RN. The Nurse manager haggles over a dollar starting salary which is less than what I was already getting in my private industry job, but pretends that there might be a position open with insurance in the future. I take it, hoping and praying, keeping the job in home health on weekends. I work 2 jobs. Finally, I get the job in school health fulltime with insurance. It is a hellish experience, but I tolerate it. I find that some of the other RN’s were offered benefits and higher salaries than I, one of which came from the same employer that I came from! I even referred her myself! We have the same education and experience. Why? I ask. No answer.
Later. The Union asks too, why? It comes up as a question called the “wage compression review. Many RN’s are involved and meet together. The Nurse Manager is found out to have offered different salaries to some RN’s who she “liked” bettter than others. She now has to fix what she did. This is how she went about it.
She asked all the Managers that supervised the RN’s who would have been eligible for “back pay” of
Another year goes by, another annual review, again, another raise is approved, but then, again, another written complaint, another below expectations, another new Supervisor, move me to a school further away…my father is sick and dying, I am below expectations when I can’t finish my work during my grieving period.
I go into deep depression. They allow me to come back, But they do not allow me to look at charts.It might be too stressful? “Sit here and just file the top pages”. Don’t get up from your seat without asking. Report to the main office when you are done.” You are still under a work improvement plan. when you complete this you must report to immunization clinic, you can train there, work for 3 months, find a new transfer position, if not, you will have to resign, There is no place for you here. The story goes on….
2 weeks after I resigned. I was hired by a private agency. The agency placed me ..in the same county government!!! in another department of course!! They LOVED me! I had to spend 11 months of my retirement money on cobra insurance waiting to be hired back.. at the same salary no less…just to get my health insurance back again. My son is in college. I am struggling financially. Te other RN makes $7 an hour more than me. She said “why didn’t you negotiate your wage?” I said “too late now”. She has way less credentials and education than I, but there is nothing I can say or do. The union did not help me then , and they won’t help me now. They are in this with the gov. The managers I”ve had so far. LOVE me, they use me like a dishrag.They know my history in the county.
BG, July 29th, 2009
These bosses are very common in government offices and the civil service, where it’s much harder to be fired. Same goes for public schools. I hope you examine those areas in future episodes.
I have 7 shifts left at a place where I was bullied. At one point, I was clinically depressed and another time, with 10 weeks left, I was asked if “I had a plan to kill myself”. That scared me that I was conveying that image of myself to others. It shook me into thinking no job is worth considering suicide over. The bullies are happy I am leaving. I gave a 6 week notice. With that said, 5 days after I had given my notice, one of the bullies took my picture off the wall that we have of all the employees. I had approached upper management with a plan of saving our department roughly $32,000/year. Naively, I opened a can of worms and thus, the bullying began. It has been an extremely painful experience but I can say I am taking my life and putting it back in my hands. I will never work in a situation like that again. Thank you for this video.
LnddMiles, July 23rd, 2009
The best information i have found exactly here. Keep going Thank you
Help, my workplace is run by a clique of bulies. My new boss has a number of members of the department that he goes drinking with. Then he spends most of the day talking to them. Almost all of my work has been taken away and is being done by them. They are doing their best to destroy my reputation with my work group and demean me in meetings? Should I go to HR? [Note: This site is not meant for counseling and you should always seek out qualified specialists who can help you with your unique situation. Warm wishes to you as you move forward. - Bev]
Lisa, May 25th, 2009
Thank you so much for sharing this experience & working for legislation! I am watching this in tears because I am in a similar situation with my boss. Co-workers scurry away when she comes near & she seems to loom constantly. I feel isolated & alone. I start to have anxiety attacks on Saturday night because Monday I have to return to work. I am nauseous every morning driving in & have several moments everyday when I want to just run out the door. She yells, breaks pens, punches walls, points her finger in your face, jumps up & down, punches counter tops, throws things. And you don’t know when it’s coming. The littlest thing (or nothing) can set her off. I can do the same work now as I did 5 minutes ago (when it was correct) & it will set her off. Anyway, I am ranting, but please know that my prayers are with you in this fight!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
We need the “teeth” of a law to protect us from the devastation of bullying/mobbing. In my case, I thought I was in the ‘twilight zone’ because the better job I did, the more I was attacked. I couldn’t figure it out for years – until one day, not knowing what to do, I entered “emotional abuse in the workplace”into a search engine. My jaw dropped as all these sites came up. I read for hours and hours and finally understood that this is a real phenomenon, and it is not my fault!
While just learning about bullying helped to a certain extent, I also learned that once the bullies co-opt others into their game, there is pretty much nothing I can do to salvage my reputation. I’ve had most of my meaningful work removed by one of my 2 bullies. My co-workers had enjoyed my work prior to the bullies’ success in ‘demoting’ me, and are now not happy that I am working at the mediocrity the bullies desire. We, the taxpayers, are paying for this.
Daniel, May 8th, 2009
I’m glad you shared your experience. I’m sorry that your life was so affected by this treatment. I’m studying to become an Organizational Psychologist right now, and this is one area that I’m starting to become more interested in. Hopefully, people will start to be able to see the impact that tyrannical supervision and injustice can have on employees’ well-being and health. Once again, thanks for sharing.
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