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“Anonymous,” February 2010
I worked for 15 years at the same small business… The shop was honed to just me, doing it all, and 1 very part time [worker] (who refused to deal with the boss and I protected!). I knew [my boss] had problems, especially since I worked in his home. I saw things I should never have been privy to…
I finally began therapy over a year before I left. I didn’t want to quit my job! I could take anything he could dish out. And his family and partner (not to mention clients) often turned to me to smooth things over for them. I was also aware that he had to go to court for domestic violence against his wife and was forced into anger management. I was also aware that a client actually had a restraining order against him! He lost clients because of his behavior and bad business practices. He was the most counterproductive employer I had ever met and it was his own money he was wasting! But I perservered because he never ever attacked me to the point where I was scared.
He made me nuts, I never got a good nights sleep, I developed a gastrointestinal disorder, but I went to therapy every week to prove to myself that “I was not the crazy one.” And I never put two and two together about my health. My therapist did but I just remained in denial. Because I made a good salary, had flexible hours and a commute under 30 minutes. Then the [economic] crisis hit and my husband retired at the ripe old age of 54. No worries, I made enough money to get us through until he got a new job. Then my brother-in-law was diagnosed with stage-4 cancer and came to live with us.
My husband became his primary caregiver and was no longer available for work. But it was still all good because I made good money and we could get by. Then my husband had to have surgery…and I was approved to take the day off…I got screamed at the moment I got to work for not coming in… No amount of conflict resolution skills worked. I tried everything I could think of to calm that man down. He just kept screaming, insulting me, pacing, spitting, calling me names, insulting my family, getting in my space (so close I could see his spit curdled in the corners of his mouth…His eyes actually glazed over! I felt like slave labor. So I picked up my purse and tried to leave. Wow. That was even crazier…
He trapped me at his front door and for the very first time I was really afraid of him… I did get out safely but hysterically…I talked about my next step with friends, family and my therapist. Because it was just me and the owner there was no higher authority to intervene. I agonized all night about leaving my job but it was clear that I had no other choice. No amount of money was worth my personal safety… I rationalized that he was not an evil person, just a sick person who needed help. But the man would not even admit to any wrong doing. He blamed me. If I would just not make him mad. If I would just be a good employee. Why was I making such a big thing out of it.”
“Horrified Worker” January 14, 2010
I have been documenting workplace mobbing in my work place for the last 17 months. you see my boss needs to manipulate the employees and I am not easily manipulated. I am friendly and professional but I am no ones lapdog. Well she has picked up on that and she and her friends which constitute much of the workplace set about a plan to ostracize and isolate me completely. So it can not just be a boss, but all her friends as well. When my alarm goes off in the morning its like a punch in the gut that I have to go back to that office again and feel their collective disdain and hostility as I sit there totally alone. I have all the documentation a person could want, I had different (less) training, extreme hostility, songs sung about me my weight my appearance, and the whole room laughs. It could drive a person to end it all. But there is no legislation in new york yet to protect me.
I myself have been a victim of bullying and currently am still in a job with a corporate bully which believe it or not …is a old lady who has such high status that nobody talks back or disrespects her or questions her decisions. She writes me up and never gave me a raise nor acknowledges me as a good worker plus has humiliated me in front of other coworkers. What laws in Kansas are here can give me some legal muscle to get her back to reality and so I can enjoy working?
Bully Buster, November 16, 2009
Beverly,
thank you so much for sending this to me – I’m late in finding it but it’s being posted on the facebook page. Are you just exploring bullying in the States? I am from the UK and have experienced bullying within the teaching profession. Unfortunately it appears to be rife and (as stated in the above comments) people are too afraid to stand up to it and those of us who are brave enough to put ourselves on the line are often condemned further for trying to show integrity and stand up for what is right.
Something is seriously wrong.
Please keep up your fantastic work, if you ever need a contact from across the pond…
56 yr old RN county gov worked in various settings, never had any problems in any of them, needed good health insurance,have a disabled son, daughter was also still on my insurance at the time.I had left a job I loved (home health private industry) where the health insurance coverage had declined medication coverage for my son who had grand mal seizures, since his Dad would not supply me with the RX card or cooperate with me (divorced) single parent since kids were 10 and 5. The pay was also terrible, no raises for 8 years! Years pass, I accept this new job as a school RN. The Nurse manager haggles over a dollar starting salary which is less than what I was already getting in my private industry job, but pretends that there might be a position open with insurance in the future. I take it, hoping and praying, keeping the job in home health on weekends. I work 2 jobs. Finally, I get the job in school health fulltime with insurance. It is a hellish experience, but I tolerate it. I find that some of the other RN’s were offered benefits and higher salaries than I, one of which came from the same employer that I came from! I even referred her myself! We have the same education and experience. Why? I ask. No answer.
Later. The Union asks too, why? It comes up as a question called the “wage compression review. Many RN’s are involved and meet together. The Nurse Manager is found out to have offered different salaries to some RN’s who she “liked” bettter than others. She now has to fix what she did. This is how she went about it.
She asked all the Managers that supervised the RN’s who would have been eligible for “back pay” of
thousands of dollars to find fault of any kind in their work. Any detail at all. Whether real, contrived, or exaggerated, and document it in exaggerated form, then surprise the RN at the end of the year when she had her annual review with a below expectations review and a work improvement plan, so that she would be humiliated into leaving. Some RN’s including myself, would work harder to improve, not knowing this was the issue, thinking :there must be something I can do? Work harder, yes! I can’t lose my health insurance! So, I do, and I pass.
Another year goes by, another annual review, again, another raise is approved, but then, again, another written complaint, another below expectations, another new Supervisor, move me to a school further away…my father is sick and dying, I am below expectations when I can’t finish my work during my grieving period.
I go into deep depression. They allow me to come back, But they do not allow me to look at charts.It might be too stressful? “Sit here and just file the top pages”. Don’t get up from your seat without asking. Report to the main office when you are done.” You are still under a work improvement plan. when you complete this you must report to immunization clinic, you can train there, work for 3 months, find a new transfer position, if not, you will have to resign, There is no place for you here. The story goes on….
2 weeks after I resigned. I was hired by a private agency. The agency placed me ..in the same county government!!! in another department of course!! They LOVED me! I had to spend 11 months of my retirement money on cobra insurance waiting to be hired back.. at the same salary no less…just to get my health insurance back again. My son is in college. I am struggling financially. Te other RN makes $7 an hour more than me. She said “why didn’t you negotiate your wage?” I said “too late now”. She has way less credentials and education than I, but there is nothing I can say or do. The union did not help me then , and they won’t help me now. They are in this with the gov. The managers I”ve had so far. LOVE me, they use me like a dishrag.They know my history in the county.
BG, July 29th, 2009
These bosses are very common in government offices and the civil service, where it’s much harder to be fired. Same goes for public schools. I hope you examine those areas in future episodes.
I have 7 shifts left at a place where I was bullied. At one point, I was clinically depressed and another time, with 10 weeks left, I was asked if “I had a plan to kill myself”. That scared me that I was conveying that image of myself to others. It shook me into thinking no job is worth considering suicide over. The bullies are happy I am leaving. I gave a 6 week notice. With that said, 5 days after I had given my notice, one of the bullies took my picture off the wall that we have of all the employees. I had approached upper management with a plan of saving our department roughly $32,000/year. Naively, I opened a can of worms and thus, the bullying began. It has been an extremely painful experience but I can say I am taking my life and putting it back in my hands. I will never work in a situation like that again. Thank you for this video.
LnddMiles, July 23rd, 2009
The best information i have found exactly here. Keep going Thank you
Help, my workplace is run by a clique of bulies. My new boss has a number of members of the department that he goes drinking with. Then he spends most of the day talking to them. Almost all of my work has been taken away and is being done by them. They are doing their best to destroy my reputation with my work group and demean me in meetings? Should I go to HR? [Note: This site is not meant for counseling and you should always seek out qualified specialists who can help you with your unique situation. Warm wishes to you as you move forward. - Bev]
Lisa, May 25th, 2009
Thank you so much for sharing this experience & working for legislation! I am watching this in tears because I am in a similar situation with my boss. Co-workers scurry away when she comes near & she seems to loom constantly. I feel isolated & alone. I start to have anxiety attacks on Saturday night because Monday I have to return to work. I am nauseous every morning driving in & have several moments everyday when I want to just run out the door. She yells, breaks pens, punches walls, points her finger in your face, jumps up & down, punches counter tops, throws things. And you don’t know when it’s coming. The littlest thing (or nothing) can set her off. I can do the same work now as I did 5 minutes ago (when it was correct) & it will set her off. Anyway, I am ranting, but please know that my prayers are with you in this fight!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
We need the “teeth” of a law to protect us from the devastation of bullying/mobbing. In my case, I thought I was in the ‘twilight zone’ because the better job I did, the more I was attacked. I couldn’t figure it out for years – until one day, not knowing what to do, I entered “emotional abuse in the workplace”into a search engine. My jaw dropped as all these sites came up. I read for hours and hours and finally understood that this is a real phenomenon, and it is not my fault!
While just learning about bullying helped to a certain extent, I also learned that once the bullies co-opt others into their game, there is pretty much nothing I can do to salvage my reputation. I’ve had most of my meaningful work removed by one of my 2 bullies. My co-workers had enjoyed my work prior to the bullies’ success in ‘demoting’ me, and are now not happy that I am working at the mediocrity the bullies desire. We, the taxpayers, are paying for this.
Daniel, May 8th, 2009
I’m glad you shared your experience. I’m sorry that your life was so affected by this treatment. I’m studying to become an Organizational Psychologist right now, and this is one area that I’m starting to become more interested in. Hopefully, people will start to be able to see the impact that tyrannical supervision and injustice can have on employees’ well-being and health. Once again, thanks for sharing.
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